memories

home

we have made our way across the ocean, thru customs, over the mountains, meandering towards the prairies and finally our destination - home. things were not quite what we expected or remembered but relief filled us because we had made it.
physically that is....emotionally is another story.
nothing in us is quite the same - we have lived and breathed a different life for a sustainable amount of time. we have survived with very little, the things we took for granted like electricity and water, we are overwhelmed with thankfulness to have it in abundance. we will never complain about winnipeg water again, though at times it may smell unpleasant it is at least clear and coming out of the tap :) if we do utter words of ungratefulness you do have permission to remind us.
my insides have been in upheaval - my emotions range from guilt to relief, and happy to sad. when we left Nepal, our friends were in the middle of a water shortage and we were able to escape that to our home. we just got news that they were able to access an underground spring in the middle of the courtyard...they, now have water in abundance !!!!
i have learned to be content, i have rediscovered a best friend, i have grown up, i have witnessed my girls dream and share without restriction, i have seen miracles.
i think maybe our journey is just beginning....

oops

i thought i had written so many more entries then i had...oops. so now for a quick update.

we had visitors from canada - what a breath of fresh air.

we had no water for 17 days - i have learned to live with less and as rod says, the land will be a dream holiday for me. i don't think so. i think i am cured of camping for about 13 years.

we had a holiday at nagarkot - we stayed at a tea house in a mountain village. the kids even got to swim in a luke warm hot tub and rod and i got a nepali massage. very different from home - rod and i both came out laughing..."did that lady just straddle you????" aaahh, memories.

we have started packing, giving things away - realizing we don't really need this, saying goodbyes. the most heart wrenching one was to say goodbye to sushila and her family. we all cried like babies...wondering when we will see each other again.

then sickness hit with a boom - landing anya and i flat on our backs. we are desperate to get better since we fly out in 2 days and praying that no one else in the family catches it. i think my older girls are fine - they were eating chips ahoy cookies and giggling.

today is a hindu holiday which has us confined to our rooms. people throw balloons or bags full of red dye and seem to favor white foreign people. there are cases of older teens that throw urine and feces. it was advised that we should stay inside all day...in emielia's words - boring!!!

so we leave...we have a chance to go home to a land of abundance - of fresh water, fresh air, abundance of electricity and space. and we leave our friends to fight, to struggle, to live with less, to create, to dance, to give generously, to remember ... we will never forget them!

what the heck?

so what the heck?
we have hardly written the past couple of weeks and to be honest i am not sure why...except we have felt saddened by life and the aspects that cannot be changed over night. maybe we wanted to spare you all the depressing details...maybe we just did not want to think about it ourselves and when you write it down you have to process.
if i was at home i would be sitting in front of the TV watching some mind-numbing program.
when a world vision commercial comes on i could change the channel but here there is no remote to end the heart ache inside. even when we retreat to our place we are still overwhelmed with people and questions and needs.

so what to do?
maybe just live out our last few days in solitary confinement has been a thought. except that rod and i are so drawn to people we would have to interact. the other part is we would probably kill each other :)
we have to be in relationship....no matter the disappointment or pain or the prospect of losing it all. we will stay engaged. we will choose to enjoy and look for opportunities to share.

random thoughts on the way to school...

i want what i do not have
i long for more
you have nothing

i wish for silly things
i think about useless trivia
you share a piece of wisdom in every morsel of thought

i feel shy in a crowded street
i shrink at the bark of an unfamiliar dog
you face whatever comes with courage

i listen to the childish shrieks of delight
i sigh at the mystical beauty of colors blowing in the wind
you embody all that is beautiful

i crave sweets i once knew
i desire comfort that were familiar
you make a little go a long way

i am a foreigner
i do not quite belong
you protest loudly at the difference
you call me sister and friend
though we are polar opposites
in color
in dress
in language
we know not to underestimate the heart
and all it holds dear
deep in the recesses.

to be or not

time is ticking and my little taste buds are getting excited to sink my teeth into a juicy beef burger....mmmm....sorry to all the vegans out there.
i am also excited to settle back into community - a place where i can understand and know that i am understood. i can move with room to breathe (nepalis have no sense of personal space - if you are clausterphobic do not ride the buses). i can walk and not be pointed at or cheeks touched (don't worry - the upper cheeks :)
my house...where the hot tap actually will provide warmth... that you can turn on a tap and water pours out. electricity that is available with one flick of a switch. heat to take the chill away.
i will miss the weather, the banana trees, the flowers, the abundance of fresh vegetables 50 steps from our front door, the friends that have become like sisters and brothers, the frequent song that bursts forth from someone's lips. the smiles, the hugs, the example of generousity from the poorest.
i will miss it here but i am ready.