what the heck?

so what the heck?
we have hardly written the past couple of weeks and to be honest i am not sure why...except we have felt saddened by life and the aspects that cannot be changed over night. maybe we wanted to spare you all the depressing details...maybe we just did not want to think about it ourselves and when you write it down you have to process.
if i was at home i would be sitting in front of the TV watching some mind-numbing program.
when a world vision commercial comes on i could change the channel but here there is no remote to end the heart ache inside. even when we retreat to our place we are still overwhelmed with people and questions and needs.

so what to do?
maybe just live out our last few days in solitary confinement has been a thought. except that rod and i are so drawn to people we would have to interact. the other part is we would probably kill each other :)
we have to be in relationship....no matter the disappointment or pain or the prospect of losing it all. we will stay engaged. we will choose to enjoy and look for opportunities to share.

random thoughts on the way to school...

i want what i do not have
i long for more
you have nothing

i wish for silly things
i think about useless trivia
you share a piece of wisdom in every morsel of thought

i feel shy in a crowded street
i shrink at the bark of an unfamiliar dog
you face whatever comes with courage

i listen to the childish shrieks of delight
i sigh at the mystical beauty of colors blowing in the wind
you embody all that is beautiful

i crave sweets i once knew
i desire comfort that were familiar
you make a little go a long way

i am a foreigner
i do not quite belong
you protest loudly at the difference
you call me sister and friend
though we are polar opposites
in color
in dress
in language
we know not to underestimate the heart
and all it holds dear
deep in the recesses.

to be or not

time is ticking and my little taste buds are getting excited to sink my teeth into a juicy beef burger....mmmm....sorry to all the vegans out there.
i am also excited to settle back into community - a place where i can understand and know that i am understood. i can move with room to breathe (nepalis have no sense of personal space - if you are clausterphobic do not ride the buses). i can walk and not be pointed at or cheeks touched (don't worry - the upper cheeks :)
my house...where the hot tap actually will provide warmth... that you can turn on a tap and water pours out. electricity that is available with one flick of a switch. heat to take the chill away.
i will miss the weather, the banana trees, the flowers, the abundance of fresh vegetables 50 steps from our front door, the friends that have become like sisters and brothers, the frequent song that bursts forth from someone's lips. the smiles, the hugs, the example of generousity from the poorest.
i will miss it here but i am ready.

back to the homestead...

so we are back at the church...oh, did we miss it and the community. did not miss the sound of the rats at night though.
we are excited to have a friend from winnipeg come and visit us. can't wait to introduce him to our friends and show him the sights.
next week routine will start again for us...girls in school, housegroups and church meetings start up. rod and shem are planning another trip to the mountain to visit a village. pray for rod's health and my patience :)

the little jersak clan

i want to tell you a story of this family i am proud to call my own...
everyday rod goes on a bus to rutnabad in the heart of the temple area where many poor people live. he is doing home care nursing for a woman named sushila. usually rod takes a girl with him or we go as a whole family. on one of our trips we were walking by a hospital and on the other side of the street was a woman with leprosy begging for money. we walked about 10 steps passed when rod stopped and said, "i have to do something." so we all turned around and approached her. with hand gestures rod tries to communicate that he wanted to help her. as he took off the dirty rags that covered her feet we were overcome with a smell indescribable. her toes were no more and in the blood and puss flies were lying eggs. he carefully cleaned the wound with little anya pouring water on the bandage for him. as he worked she stood with her hand on his shoulder. the other two were praying out loud and conversing with the people who had stopped to gawk. i took instruction from rod and handed supplies from the medical bag. soon a crowd of over 50 people were gathered...sadly not to support but in curiousity of why these white people would bother to stop and help this woman who surely had deserved such a state. it is good to be different.

16 hours and counting....

power is off for 16 hours a day...not fun.
school starts in 9 days...yahoo.
we move back to church in three sleeps...okay.
we have 47 days left in nepal...sucks.

it seems i am down to counting the hours and days of something. i look forward to certain things ending like the power coming on and i dread things that mean drastic change.
maybe i need to focus on the here and now.

Sushila, Manita and Ava